It’s not just what you say, but how you say it

I was having a conversation with  a friend the other day, and like a lot of my conversations, we started talking about how it’s sometimes hard to talk to and understand some people.  It’s like, I know what i’m saying makes sense… I’m definitely speaking the same language… but for some reason, this person just doesn’t seem to get it?  it’s frustrating!!!  We’ve all been there, but despite our overwhelming experience in this situation, we all seem to fall into this trap over and over again.  And to be honest, it’s not our faults, or anyone’s really, it’s how we’re wired.

Now have you ever met someone who gets it, someone who you can easily talk to and will get where your coming from, even if they don’t know anything about you.  Even more, you get them.  They have a way of talking that just invites you in and makes you feel like you really can feel where they’re coming from.  You might even want to hire this guy as a translator for you, so others would get the same feeling from what you were saying.

The truth is, people who have really put the time in, and mastered the art of mindful communication can make an entire room feel at ease and understood with what seems like little effort.  They do it by mastering themselves, and by mastering how they deliver their message.  Everything from their posture and body language, the tone they use and their word choice, it all goes into everything they say and do.  It’s a skill that takes time to master, but in a way, isn’t this kind of manipulating those around them

Lets say that you’ve been reading this blog and put some work into learning the art of mindful communication (one of the things we go into here) and one day, you find yourself in a room full of strangers from work, the annual holiday social!  You notice a group of people that seem interesting, so you go over and start to strike up a conversation.  Now there are two ways you could approach this, you could jump in and hope for the best, or you could set yourself up for success, by making a firm but friendly entrance, and then listening and observing what’s going on.  When you understand how the others in the group talk to each other, and how they behave, you can then adjust yourself, maybe by toning up or down how loud you are, these little modifications can help others relate and understand you better, by making them feel more comfortable around you.

The basics of who you are, and what you stand for wont (and shouldn’t change) in most conversations, we are who we authentically are.  As long as you follow that thought, you will never enter into a game of unethical manipulation.  By learning to use your posture, body language, tone, and word choice, you’ll be able to help those you’re talking with feel more comfortable which helps them really get where you’re coming from, and understand what you’re really trying to say.  As the old saying goes, it’s not about what you day, but how you say it.

I want to challenge you, next time you find yourself joining in on a conversation, really pay attention to how everyone else is talking, what are their bodies saying, what’s the tone that they are using and start showing similar patterns in yourself.  You’d be surprised not only by how much better you understand them, but by how well they understand you.

If you enjoyed the content in this post and want to see more like it, let me know by clicking the ‘like’ and ‘share’ button at the top of this post, and let me know in the comments below, have you ever had a time that you wish you could have had a translator to communicate exactly what you were trying to say so that everyone would just get it?

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About teamnitros 4 Articles
An expert in mindfulness, body language, and limbic reaction, David has honed his skills through years of training and teaching. Having dedicated his knowledge and skill to teaching life preparedness and self defense skills through public and private instruction, he is now dedicated to sharing his passion for understanding and the social mind through blogging, books, and training events.